My word for 2009 was “relax”. In the beginning of the year I talked about how I read that book about perfectionists and about “the one thing”. I started having an afternoon tea-time, where for an hour or two I would read a book, study the Bible, and/or journal. I kept this up for a couple of months, maybe more, maybe less. But then as life became a little more busy (like staining the deck, taking care of the cat situation, etc), I stopped having that time in the afternoon. Now I know that the definition of relaxing isn’t a tea-time in the afternoon, but for me it meant a lot and fulfilled the meaning of the word. I used to have a really hard just sitting and relaxing. I’m still not where I want to be, but I have learned so much this year about relaxing. God has helped me to rest in Him more and more. When we were preparing to move to Ketchikan and preparing to move into our new house, a lot of people told me that they forgot I was moving because I was so calm about things. All glory to God for that because without Him I would have been FREAKing out. Haha! I had to really keep my eyes on Him and decide each moment to just trust Him. Things would come up in my mind, but then I would realize I just had to let it go.
I also felt like I relaxed in the way I keep my home. I talked earlier this year about how I would worry about the cat hairs flying around the floor when company came over. I thought everything in my house had to look and be perfect. I thought I had to have the perfect cleanliness, the perfect decorations (everything had to match), that nothing could be out of place. There were certain areas in my house that would drive me crazy, like the computer desk, because there are always piles on it or something that needs to be sorted through or filed. After we moved into the apartment in Ketchikan, there were boxes everywhere. Some of the boxes shouldn’t have been with us because of a mix-up the movers had, but it really wasn’t a big deal. At first I didn’t want to unpack anything. It was like I was having a hard time adjusting. After awhile I realized that at that moment we were in an apartment, and that I was going to enjoy that moment even if it wasn’t my “ideal”. And I think because of my changed attitude in the apartment, now in our house I’m finding myself feeling relaxed about how things look. I’m not as picky about where things are. This is a new thing to me and I like it! When we were gone for Christmas, I realized how much I want our home to be cozy, warm, and welcoming. Things don’t have to be “just so”. So what if there is water spots on the floor from a bad mopping job? So what if the decorations don’t “match”? So what if the shelf is wobbly? It doesn’t matter. These things don’t define me. They might reflect what I like or simply being human, but they aren’t me. And it’s not ok if someone comes into my home and judges me by what they see or don’t see.
Yesterday I was thinking and praying about what my word for 2010 will be. And I have the answer. I’m not too excited about it though. The word is DISCIPLINE. Whew! There’s a lot of work to be done!