To my 21 year old self...

This is a letter to my 21 year old self in regards to my body image. I'm being super vulnerable here.  I've battled with a negative body image for many years.  I was recently encouraged to write a letter to my younger self, when I started to have body image issues.  I know as soon as I post this that I will be uncomfortable with this vulnerability, but I'm serious about my recovery.  I share this because maybe someone else out there is reading this and struggles with the same negativity.  I want you to know there's hope. We don't have to follow the culture's opinion of what's deemed "acceptable".  Through this journey, I've learned to see through eyes of love, grace, and compassion, instead of judgment and criticism. I'm on a journey toward recovery.  There will probably be more posts about this, but it takes me awhile to work up to being vulnerable.  It's scary. But I know it's part of recovering.

Dear Christina,

I sense you feel uncomfortable in your body.  You saw that number on the scale and how it was not the number you were expecting to see.  I see you trying to grip everything to change that number.  Exercise more.  Eat less.  But can I tell you something?  Please listen to me.  There is nothing wrong with your body.  Ditch the scale.  Throw it out.  It’s the tool of a chronic dieter. The number it spits out does NOT define you.  There is nothing wrong with your body.  Diet culture is wrong.  It says to be a certain size and to have that bikini body.  Don’t buy the diet book.  Don’t check out the library books about diet.  When life feels out of control around you, coping with a diet plan will not make it better, it will only exacerbate the issues.  A diet won’t make it better.  Changing your body will not make you more accepted or worthy.  You are already love-able.  That tummy you are so negative toward—it will one day house three babies and stretch in ways you wouldn’t believe were possible.  And one day it will carry a scar about 8 inches long in proof that your life was saved.  Bikini body—it’s not necessary.  You are more than your body.  You are a multi-faceted person and your weight and size DO NOT define you.  Be you.  Be your beautiful self.  A diet won’t fix it.  Excessive exercise won’t fix it.  Remember who you are in God’s eyes—who He created you to be.  Please stop focusing on restricting and counting; eat the donut and move on.  All food is good.  It’s fuel and nutrition for your body.  Let go of the pressure to be a certain size.  Let go of the diet talk.  Smile.  Thank God for all of your parts.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  There is nothing wrong with you.  If you diet, every diet will mess more with your head.  It will cause obsession.  It will make you fixate on your body.  And it will cause you to gain more weight. Leave the diets alone.  Walk away.  Do not turn back to them.  Enjoy your life.  You are blessed.  Move your body in ways that feel good.  Enjoy satisfying food.  Be you.

Love, Your Beautiful Self