To my 21 year old self...

This is a letter to my 21 year old self in regards to my body image. I'm being super vulnerable here.  I've battled with a negative body image for many years.  I was recently encouraged to write a letter to my younger self, when I started to have body image issues.  I know as soon as I post this that I will be uncomfortable with this vulnerability, but I'm serious about my recovery.  I share this because maybe someone else out there is reading this and struggles with the same negativity.  I want you to know there's hope. We don't have to follow the culture's opinion of what's deemed "acceptable".  Through this journey, I've learned to see through eyes of love, grace, and compassion, instead of judgment and criticism. I'm on a journey toward recovery.  There will probably be more posts about this, but it takes me awhile to work up to being vulnerable.  It's scary. But I know it's part of recovering.

Dear Christina,

I sense you feel uncomfortable in your body.  You saw that number on the scale and how it was not the number you were expecting to see.  I see you trying to grip everything to change that number.  Exercise more.  Eat less.  But can I tell you something?  Please listen to me.  There is nothing wrong with your body.  Ditch the scale.  Throw it out.  It’s the tool of a chronic dieter. The number it spits out does NOT define you.  There is nothing wrong with your body.  Diet culture is wrong.  It says to be a certain size and to have that bikini body.  Don’t buy the diet book.  Don’t check out the library books about diet.  When life feels out of control around you, coping with a diet plan will not make it better, it will only exacerbate the issues.  A diet won’t make it better.  Changing your body will not make you more accepted or worthy.  You are already love-able.  That tummy you are so negative toward—it will one day house three babies and stretch in ways you wouldn’t believe were possible.  And one day it will carry a scar about 8 inches long in proof that your life was saved.  Bikini body—it’s not necessary.  You are more than your body.  You are a multi-faceted person and your weight and size DO NOT define you.  Be you.  Be your beautiful self.  A diet won’t fix it.  Excessive exercise won’t fix it.  Remember who you are in God’s eyes—who He created you to be.  Please stop focusing on restricting and counting; eat the donut and move on.  All food is good.  It’s fuel and nutrition for your body.  Let go of the pressure to be a certain size.  Let go of the diet talk.  Smile.  Thank God for all of your parts.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  There is nothing wrong with you.  If you diet, every diet will mess more with your head.  It will cause obsession.  It will make you fixate on your body.  And it will cause you to gain more weight. Leave the diets alone.  Walk away.  Do not turn back to them.  Enjoy your life.  You are blessed.  Move your body in ways that feel good.  Enjoy satisfying food.  Be you.

Love, Your Beautiful Self

Be Your Beautiful Self

I used to write these muses, encouraging blog readers to "be yourself, it's the best person you can be". I still feel very passionate about that, but probably even more so these days as I've sort of come out of this transformation journey.  I suppose I will always be on this journey toward self-acceptance, seeing my true value, and learning to be loving and compassionate toward myself (and toward others).  I feel like I have a lot to say on this topic.  I have no idea who reads this blog.  I'm not going for popularity. It started as a place to share the cards and scrapbook pages I was creating.  I would like it to be so much more than that.  Over the years, I've shared lots and lots of my creations, but I would also like to share my heart.  I know so many women struggle with body image and thinking they aren't good enough.  There are so many lies out there saying we are too much or not enough.  The pressure to have this ideal body or to look a certain way feels insurmountable.  It's in our face.  All.the.time. We are more than our body.  In fact, our body is the vessel that carries us, but it does not define us.  I have a lot to say on this topic.  In fact, I sort of have been saying things about this in little sprinkles over the years, and I've labeled those posts with a label you will see attached to this post: beyourbeautifulself

I feel like God has given me a voice in this.  I love to create. I love to write.  I also love to read.*  I love to encourage.  I'm tired of the lies and ugly voices out there brought on by diet culture.  So if you are interested, as I am inspired, I will be writing posts all about encouraging you to be your beautiful self.

Until next time, be your beautiful self!  Be you, it's the best person you can be!

*I've always been a reader, but in the last year and a half, I've really become even more of a reader.  It's something I should share more about on this blog.

Soap box

Every once in awhile I have to hop up onto my soap box, so here it goes:

I've been thinking a lot lately about security/insecurity.  Recently I've been doing a little reading and something got me thinking about it.  From what I read, children start to categorize things at a very young age.  And then there comes a time when they compare themselves to another as in categorizing objects, likes, dislikes, etc.  It's a sense of belonging, a sense of feeling like they are apart of something.  They find things that are common; they see things that are uncommon.  And this goes on through the teenage years through adulthood.  Tis true, but some children, teens, and adults take this comparing and categorizing to a level that produces insecurity.  If they are different than others, they may feel bad about themselves.  If they don't have what others have, they may think they aren't good enough.  This could happen with grades, sports, hobbies, penmanship, anything!  We can all see what we have and don't have compared to the next person--it happens all the time!  But what are we going to do about it?  Are we going to feel like less of a person?  Or think we are better?  Can you stand alone in your preferences?  Are you secure in who you are?  Are you secure in your differences? 

To be honest, it bothers me that kids see the differences.  I wish that they would all notice and then move on, being ok with the differences.  We are all different and unique!  No one is exactly the same!  But why do we feel safe when something is "the norm" or because we fit in to a group or society?  Why do we feel like we have to fit a certain mold?  Are you ok with being yourself?

Over the years I have learned to grow my strengths and stop pouting about my weakness.  I've learned to accept those things I'm not great at and focus on those things I am good at.  It doesn't mean I don't try harder in those weaker areas, but I no longer focus on them as if I'm a failure.  I've also learned to enjoy the differences between me and my fellow man.  For instance, I used to feel jealous when I would see women all dressed up cute and stylish, but now I realize that is not me.  I don't even like to dress up!  And now I admire that about other women and compliment them, at the same time feeling great in my jeans and t-shirt!  Such freedom!  Goodbye insecurity!

I've said it hundreds of times (and this is a reminder for me, too) and I'll say it again:

BE YOURSELF!  It's the BEST person you can be!

Do you feel safe?

Do you feel safe to be yourself?

Or do you feel more safe to hide behind a mask?

Are you for real or are you playing pretend?

Do you feel safe having your own ideas, having your own original creativity, and putting your own personal 'mark' on things?

Or do you imitate others because it's 'safe', because it's already been done? Because you are afraid of what others might think?

Do you hide behind what's comfortable because you don't want to make mistakes or look foolish? Are you afraid of failure?

I know I have talked about this SO MANY times on this blog about the importance of being yourself, but I think it's good to have a fresh reminder to be who God has created you to be. There is no one else like you. There is no other you. Isn't that awesome?

I want you to know that it's OK to be you! And I want you to know that God loves you for YOU! And you can love you for you--you can LIKE yourself! Stop comparing yourself to someone else!

Be you!

Are you brave?

There's this scene on The Office where the ignorant boss, Michael Scott, is told by coworker Daryl that Michael is brave because he continues to get up and live his life everyday in spite of being himself. Although this is said in humor and Michael Scott is a fictional character, I find some truth in what Daryl shared with him.

Am I brave enough to be myself? That may sound like a funny question, but as I sit back and observe life and those around me, I think so many are afraid to be who they are.

I recently read this quote by Kurt Cobain (which I thought was interesting):

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.

It's so true! We can spend our life trying to shift ourselves to fit some mold. We can try to hide the real person inside of us. We can think we are not good enough because we aren't like someone else. Or we try to tone down the person we are, thinking we will be liked more if we do. But it's a total waste of time!

Maybe someone has told you in some way that you aren't good enough or that you need to be less of who you are. Maybe you feel like it's more safe to hide the real you. But isn't that trying to be someone you aren't?

Another thing I like about what Daryl shared with Michael is that he chooses to get up each day and to live his life. We only have this moment. It's called RIGHT NOW. This is it. Are we going to spend our moments in fear and pretending? No way! Let's be brave just like Michael Scott. Let's take this moment, and then the next, and the next, and so on to be who God has made us to be...with our quirks and all. Maybe you are afraid to be yourself. Maybe you are fearful of the "what if's" Why not be yourself anyway? Why not do it afraid? Worrying about the next 100 moments won't get you anywhere in life. Worry is like being paralyzed in your mind. It steals from your life. It's a waste of time!

I want us all to be the best person we can be, with no more comparisons, with no more fear. Be brave my friend!

Sunday Muse

Have you ever had a time when you just don't feel like yourself? Have you ever felt like there's no more creativity left in you? Do you ever doubt why you are doing what you are doing? Do you ever sit back and ask, "Why?" There's been a little bit of all of that in my life recently. I've had to ask myself why I do what I do? What's the purpose? Why do I scrapbook? It's not just about scrapbooking, but about everything. Some people go through 'spring cleaning', but I think I'm 'fall cleaning' right now.

Last weekened I read an article from the Harvard Business Review. Quent subscribes to the magazine and I hardly read them, but one of the articles caught my attention. It was about information overload. Technology has changed the way we communicate. I'm thankful for it, but there are times when I really crave getting back to the basics of communication, and really getting back to the basics of life. And so the article really made me think about how I am spending my time. I also had to step back and ask myself why I have a blog and why I scrapbook. I've been thinking about these things for some time, but this article was really the motivation behind some of the changes I have been making.

I started this blog because I live far away from a lot of family and friends. I don't want to lug my scrapbook albums when I visit and because we live so far away, we don't get visitors very often. So I created this blog to share what I have been creating. I also created the blog to inspire and encourage others about their own creativity. Everyone has something in their life they are passionate about, whether it's eating healthy, taking care of animals, scrapbooking, or building bikes. I wanted to make this a place where people could come and be motivated to continue on their journey of creating and being true to their own style.

But I think I got lost in my own blog journey. I began to create so I could post. I love posting and sharing, but if I'm only creating just so I can update a blog, then I think there's something very wrong with that.

I really enjoy scrapbooking. I love capturing moments on camera and creating layouts that display those memories. Since last weekend I have been asking myself, "Why do I scrapbook? What's the purpose?" And with those questions came answers. And with those answers have come some positive things. In this past week, I have been journaling before even adding pictures to a page. I want to record the feelings of the events that have happened in my life. Recently I journaled about what it was like to go through the moving process, the emotions of that process, etc. And then later I included a beautiful picture that reflected that journaling...and you know what...I'll probably never post it. Ha! Some things are just too dear and personal to me. So I feel good knowing that I'm creating for ME again. Yeah!

I've also been having a hard time balancing the elements of creating. I feel like I have a lot of things on my creative palette right now. I'm so thankful for the elements I work with, but right now I'm trying to figure out how to use all of them without feeling overwhelmed. I'm starting to find my groove with it all, so I'm thankful for that!

There are always going to be those times when we don't feel like we are in the mood to create. And it's totally ok to take a break. It doesn't mean we are done with that hobby. It's good to step away...it's even quite refreshing! When I go through times like that, I give myself permission to spend my time doing other things instead (like knitting or reading). I'm learning to 'go with the flow' and to enjoy the different seasons of creating. Sometimes I feel like doing a hybrid page, sometimes I do a lot of stamping, and sometimes I even feel like creating a project that involves fabric. I'm learning that I cannot be an 'all or nothing' person when it comes to creativity. We are always learning and changing.

Whew, what a long post...I hope you are encouraged. Be true to your style and 'go with the flow'!

And...BE YOU! *smile*

Quote

(Sorry there are no spaces between paragraphs...Blogger is being bad)

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,

we consciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
~Nelson Mandela

Over the weekend I watched the movie Akeelah and the Bee. What an amazing and inspiring movie! My mom recommended it to me and I'm so glad she did. It's one of those movies that moves your heart, makes you think about what you are doing and who you are. This quote by Nelson Mandela was quoted twice in the movie. It spoke to me.

In the past I have talked about how so many are afraid to be who they are. They think they have to be more or less of who they are. Why is it that we are afraid to let our light shine? Why are we afraid to live out those gifts God has given us? Why are we afraid to be ourselves?

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Seriously, who else should we be? Our creator took the time to create us. Think about those scrapbook pages and cards we create: we took our time to create each detail. We made it exactly how we wanted it to be made. We didn't create the page or card to be a lamp, a can of root beer, scissors, a camera, etc. Ha! We created it to be exactly what it is. We were created to be who we are, not someone else.

Some are afraid to be beautiful, to show their intelligence, to show their talent. Why? Fear.

Akeelah was afraid to show her brilliance of spelling because she didn't want to stand out or be teased for being smart. She wanted to hide her talent. She was afraid.

I'm guilty of this, too. I still struggle with it. I'm afraid to be myself sometimes. Sometimes I hide because of insecurity. But more and more I'm finding the freedom to be me, who God created me to be.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

There is nothing good about shrinking back so we don't make others feel bad. We have to SHINE! We have to BE ourselves.

When I was in 5th grade I was chosen to be one of 5 or 6 mediators for the next school year. I don't remember why this school did this, but basically they wanted mediators on the playground to help students get along. We had to write essays and be voted in to be a mediator. I felt so honored to be one of the few picked. Well, it wasn't even an hour afterwards that those so-called friends turned on me. They were jealous and they treated me unfairly. I remember going inside during recess, going to my desk, and crying. It hurt really bad. And I can look back at that time and I felt myself shrink. I realized it was dangerous to be myself, to be excited about doing something I loved. They were jealous and insecure, so I shrunk myself so they wouldn't feel bad about themselves. No, no, no! I wish I could go back and whisper into my ear and say, "Don't shrink! BE yourself!" And for years and years I was this shrunken person, burying my talents in the sand, hoping no one would notice me. And it's really only been in the last 4 years that I've come out of that shell.

I hope this quote encourages you. Look at it, read each word and think about what it means to you.

And let your light shine!!

Preach it, girl!!

Each morning I check Ali Edwards' blog. Today she is talking about creative fears. Number 3 was People not appreciating what we create:

Here's the plain truth: people will either love, hate, or be indifferent to what you create. You are the one who needs to love it, feel good about it, and not worry about what anyone else thinks. Most likely your family is going to either love or be indifferent towards your projects...and indifference doesn't mean they don't love you any less. Some of the things we create now may not be appreciated until later on - and that is ok too. This is why I encourage you to get to a place where you enjoy the process now - where you are filled up by what you are creating or by the friendships you are making through scrapbooking or by the stories you are telling and the memories you are recounting.
"Eventually I discovered for myself the utterly simple prescription for creativity: be intensely yourself. Don't try to be outstanding; don't try to be a success; don't try to do pictures for others to look at - just please yourself."- Ralph Steiner

Can I get an 'Amen'? I'm going to be transparent here: Just recently I was feeling down on myself because I haven't been picked for any of the color challenges. I have entered Kristina Werner's color challenges many times, but I've never been picked. I was having a hard time with it the other day and told myself that I would never participate in them again. (Never say never) A dear friend of mine pointed out to me that a Kristina has a certain style and when she's looking through the creations to pick the 'winners', she's looking through the eyes of her own style. I don't have Kristina's style. And I have decided I will not bend my style to fit another's style. No way! I have to be 'true to my style'. So everything I've been preaching about has definitely been put to the test in the last few days.

So often I hear women scared to create because they wonder what others will think. They don't want their work looked at under a critical eye. I go through that too. There were times when I was doing a color challenge that I would try to make a card that I thought would fit Kristina's style. I would end up not liking the card. Sure, I like to try new things like that every once in awhile, but if I'm only doing it to catch someone's eye, then it's wrong!

I really really like what Ali said about how people may not like what we create, will be indifferent, or won't appreciate it until later on. That's SO true!! I want to create for me. I enjoy scrapbooking and card-making for ME. I'm not doing it to please others. I need to remember that. I've decided that I have to look at the color challenges as my own little challenge, not a competition. I was letting the crazy girly, competition, jealousy stuff get to me. Sometimes we women get way too tied up in the crazy feelings/emotions. We just need to chill! I need to chill! Haha!

Whew!

Sharing

Tonight when I was searching on the internet, I found a website and book that excited me. In this blog I have talked about being 'true to your style' and BEing yourself. I see so many women who don't like themselves because they don't feel good enough. I see so many comparing themselves with others. I'm guilty of that, too. One area I see others (and myself) struggle with is with body image. We were all created with different body types and sizes, but we are constantly bombarded with images that *could* make us feel bad about ourselves or thinking we have to look a certain way.

I wanted to share what I found with you tonight. It has nothing really to do with scrapbooking or stamping, but encouragement to BE yourself and to BE thankful for who God has made you to be...no matter your size/weight/etc. Oh, and I have to add that the website design is pretty cool...so maybe that fits in with the scrapbooking/stamping. Ha!

Wonderfully Made
Heal book
Heal Journey

Me

Do you ever just have something on your mind you feel that you need to get OUT? That's what I'm feeling like right now. Ok, here goes...

Lately I have been finding myself looking at other people's blogs and doing something that is bad, bad, BAD...I've been comparing myself with others. And the thoughts that go through my mind are like these:

"I'll never be as good as she is."
"I wish I could do what she's doing."
"How come they have more comments than me?"

Um, hello Christina...that's called COMPARING yourself with someone else!! Hello, earth to Christina!

I know that I've said this stuff over and over and over and over again like a broken record, but we (I, me, and myself) has to let it sink in that I am not "they" and "they" are not me. I have my own style, my own way of creating, etc., etc.

One of my favorite sayings (that I made up...haha) is, "Be yourself! That's the best person you can be!" And it's SOOO true!

I love looking at other people's blogs. I love looking at what they have created. I love seeing each individual being themselves. I love the simple creations, I love the complex creations. I love them all. It makes me feel all comfy and cozy inside knowing that people are being true to their style, no matter what style they have. I like being challenged by what I see. Like I'll see something I really like and it will inspire me. But I am on the wrong path when I start to think I'm not good enough because I'm not like the next person. Being ME is good enough. I don't need to be more or less.

So I need to snap out of the comparisons and be ME!

One more thing...

In continuation to what I was saying in the previous post, I wanted to add one more thing:

You don't always have to be the "odd one out". Let's say Person A likes something Person B does (like a scrapbooking technique). It's perfectly ok if Person A is inspired by Person B and creates something similar using that technique. Person A doesn't have to look at something Person B did and think, "Oh, I like that, but I don't want them to think I'm copying them." They can just simply BE themselves. The importance is being yourself! For example, when I look at something on Ali Edwards' blog that I like and want to try to create something similar, it doesn't mean I've stopped being myself. It means that I have found something *I* like and was inspired by it; I'm still being me. Now, if I was looking at something and thinking that if I only create what someone else has created in order to be important or have it be "perfect", then I'm stepping into dangerous territory of comparison.

A Ro Muse

Hello! I have been "missing in action" because our internet was down...since Thursday. *wiping tears* I'm SO glad to be back!! I wanted to start off by sharing a muse written by Ro from Scrap Girls. This is from the free Scrap Girls newsletter.

I began scolding myself in my journal because I caught myself trying to be something I am not.

“I want to be acceptable,” the conversation began.

“Acceptable to whom?” I countered.

“Acceptable to... to...” I thought. “Everybody?”

“That’s silly,” I shot back. “You can’t be acceptable to everyone.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “I can’t control if anyone at all will accept me. There may be times when what I am doing isn’t acceptable to anyone.”

“Remember that famous quote?”

“You can please most of the people some of the time. You can please some of the people all the time. But you can’t please all of the people every time,” I paraphrased.

“Correct. So, tell me... who are you?”

“I’m a short, blond, 51-year-old woman with a husband, four children, and one grandson. I run a digital scrapbooking company....”

Interrupting the flow of the description, I commanded, “Don’t tell me what you are. Tell me who you are. Tell me what your truth is about yourself.”

As soon as the thought came to me, I realized I had stumbled onto something. Who am I? What is my truth?

I began making a list:

• I am spiritual. I love Heavenly Father and Christ. They are my North Star.
• I am focused when I work. Perhaps, too focused. I sometimes become unaware of what is happening around me.
• I am a deep thinker. In fact, I often think so deeply that I get lost in the forest.
• I am always trying to improve myself. I usually fail, but at least I keep trying.
• I am not cool. I don’t care what is fashionable. I like what I like. The only time I feel unsure about what I like is when I start overanalyzing myself and worrying if people will think I’m dorky.
• I am an introvert. I enjoy spending time alone with brief expeditions into sociality, which sometimes tire me physically.
• I am easily bored.
• I stop and start projects too often.
• I am serious. Often, too serious.
• I have a wry sense of humor.
• I am a teacher.
• I am a storyteller.
• I speak in analogies.
• I am a writer.
• I am a musician (although, not as much as I used to be).

As the list continued, I realized that I have more strengths than I give myself credit for. My strengths often counterbalance my weaknesses. I understood that it doesn’t matter if other people see me differently than I see myself.

As I wrote my thoughts in my journal, I saw myself scrawl a phrase that caught my breath. “Accept your truth,” it said.

I read the phrase over and over. “Accept your truth. Accept your truth. Accept your truth.”
“Yes,” I said. “That’s it. If I accept my truth, I won’t worry about being acceptable. This will open me to the freedom to accept others without worrying if they accept me.”

I closed my journal and smiled. Life is good.

- Ro

Another muse...

I've talked a lot about the importance of being yourself. Recently, I have had the opportunity to understand why that is so important.

When I'm not myself, it's because I have put a mask on and I'm in a sense "playing pretend". When I'm playing pretend, no one knows the real me, no one can touch the real me, no one can hurt the real me, no one can reject the real me.

When I live to please others in an unhealthy, unbalanced way, I'm not being myself. When I'm always saying "yes" to them when I really want to say "no" then I'm still wearing that mask, I'm still playing pretend.

Life isn't playing pretend. Life is real. And you are the only YOU! There's no one else like you...isn't that awesome?!

Recently I heard someone basically say that they were only going to love this other person only if they met their condition. It really broke my heart. At the same time it made me look at myself and wonder if I'm still playing pretend in some areas. Am I hiding the real me? Am I still afraid of being rejected? Am I trying hard to please someone just so I will receive their acceptance?

There is someone in my life that I have always wanted their acceptance. It has brought many tears and heartaches. But you know what? I don't think I'll ever receive their full acceptance because there are parts of me that they cannot accept. But that doesn't mean I should stop being me. I have to let go of wanting their acceptance. It doesn't really matter anyway.

That's why I've tried so hard to be perfect (at least that's one of the reasons). I think that if I am perfect and say the right things at the right times, then they will have no excuse to not accept me. But if someone cannot love me despite my imperfections and not living up to their conditions, then that's their choice. I cannot make anyone love me...I can only be myself.

There are going to be those people in life who will do things we don't like or understand...but we can love them anyway. It's not easy (not at all), but it can be done. If God says we are to love our enemies, then I think everyone else is possible to love, too. Ha!

Being myself means that I will do things that others may not like. And some of those may try to cut me out of their life, control me, or do other hurtful things, but it's important for me to continue being me.

No one defines my worth...no one! Christ defines my worth. I am who I am because of Him.

Stop and think about those people who you feel so comfortable being around. They love you no matter what. They don't judge you or make you feel like you have to change. Isn't it amazing!?!! We feel like we can relax, be ourselves, and we aren't afraid of hiding our imperfections. That's how it should be ALL of the time! And we can because we have that choice.

BE yourself, it's the best person you can be!

Be yourself!

This is going to be short and sweet...

Be yourself! No matter what, be YOU! There's no sense in comparing yourself with someone else or conforming to someone's list of rules. BE YOU!

And that's all I have to say for the moment. I have a lot on my mind right now about all of this...

Martha, Martha

Tonight I read, which actually translates "relaxed". *cheering* I received a package from Amazon with some books, but my thoughts and some concerns about how I have a hard time actually sitting and enjoying reading brought me back to a book I started reading some time last year. The book is called Martha to the Max: Balanced Living for Perfectionists by Debi Stack. Martha is the precious woman we find complaining to Jesus that her sister, Mary, isn't helping her [in the kitchen]. She's frustrated and probably at the end of her rope. And Jesus replies to Martha basically that she's worried about too many things and that Mary has chosen the best thing...to sit at the feet of Jesus.

For most of my life, I have been like Martha. And lately it's really becoming evident to me that I have a hard time just 'relaxing' (my word for 2009).

You are probably wondering if I'm going to tie this into what this blog is about...stamping or scrapbooking. It does--in its own way. For the last few months, I have participated in the color challenges. Today, the most recent color challenge cards were picked and mine was again, not one of them. At first I was bummed, but then I realized that Kristina (the challenge "owner"), who is one person, doesn't determine whether what I create is 'good enough' or not. Like I have said over and over again on this blog, it doesn't matter what others think as long as I like it. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." And by golly, I LIKE my card!! And someone I LIKE and LOVE was sent this card! And you know...that's all that matters!

Stepping off soapbox.

Before I leave, I really wanted to share with you something I read tonight in the book Martha to the Max:

You may be plagued by a deep and abiding sense that you are an imposter, a fraud. Through your superhuman efforts to acheive, improve your appearance, or otherwise attain perfection, you have managed to fool plenty of people thus far. But you could be "found out" at any moment, and the prospect terrifies you. With every failure, error, or loss you run the risk that other people will see you the way you see yourself, be bitterly disappointed or thoroughly disgusted, and end up hating, rejecting, firing, or abandoning you.

To prevent such a calamity, you devote a great deal of time and energy to what experts in the field of addictions call impression management. You'll go to any lengths to look good, to appear confident and knowledgable, or to accommodate people whose love or acceptance is important to you.

If you are a perfectionist, you are invariably an impression manager as well. You simply cannot risk losing other people's approval, acceptance, or admiration, which you use as a substitute for self-acceptance, self-approval, and self-esteem. Lacking an internal sense of your own value, you use other people's opinions of you and other external rewards as a yardstick for measuring your worth."

This was a huge revelation to me! Right away I thought of the example of my house. I think that my house needs to look perfect at EVERY moment in case any person comes over. I don't want them to think I'm a slob or to think less of me. Recently my husband reminded me that it's not our house that people come to see, it's us. Why can't I look at my house the way I look at other people's homes...that I don't care if there's a mess? All of this business of trying to impress people with a clean house is only adding stress to my life and very high expectations upon myself...and it's definitely not bringing me anywhere near relaxation. Ha!

I have dust bunnies on the floor in between the days I vacuum, which are actually little balls of cat hair...and if you walk fast through the house, they fly around. I could stress over those hairs all day long because of fearing what someone might think of me if they came in my house and saw those. We all have dirty dishes, hair that falls out, vents that are dusty, clothes that need to be washed, etc. Why does one person think they have to master it all just to keep up an appearance to impress everyone? If someone is going to have an issue with the way my house looks, that's their own issue. I can only do my best. And that's what I want to do, because perfection is way too tiring and I really want to relax! (There's that word again!)

I want to be myself. I want to relax. I want people to relax around me. I would love to NOT do any cleaning for a whole day (at least) and have someone come over and be accepting of me anyway.

I know I have lots more to say on this, but for now, I must get some sleep! Stay tuned for more of Christina's Soap Box Musings.

Enjoy the Journey

Here is another excerpt from the Scrap Girls Newsletter. This one was written by Brandy. I wanted to share it with you.

Enjoy the Journey
When I first started designing for Scrap Girls, I knew that I had this passion and I wanted to be as good as some of my favorite Scrap Girl idols. I also knew I had a lot to learn. One day, I asked one of the designers, “How do you decide what to design and how do you know people will like it?”
Her answer was simple and I adhere to it to this day. She said, “I design what I like.” It is really as simple as that. I have found that being true to myself is where the greatest inspiration comes from.
Now, a year later (I can't believe it has already been a year), I continue to grow and learn. I have also developed another guideline that helps me... not to over-think things. How many times have we reworked a layout to the point where we have lost the original idea in our journey to make it better? It's the same with designing.
I have had several occasions of working on something, only to go back to the original idea in its simplest form. Oh sure, there are lots of things that can be better and as I learned new skills or techniques, I used to want to go back and change things (yet again). Now, I save those new ideas for new projects. When I look at collections or layouts I did six months or a year ago, I can see growth and that feels good. Once I would look back on old layouts and cringe. Now, I smile and think, “Wow, I have come a long way.”
So, if I could give you advice, it would be to not be so critical of yourself in your own journey to develop your artistic skills. We all start somewhere and learn and grow at different paces. I admire each and every one of you for putting it out there and sharing your ideas, whether you are a beginner or a designer with many years of experience. I think that sometimes you have to forget about the destination and just enjoy the journey.
- Brandy

Just last night I was talking with someone about one of the first digital scrapbook pages I created. After I made the page I was SO excited and thought it was the most amazing creation. But now when I look back at it I have to laugh because it's so not that cool. BUT...I realize that's where I was at the time and back then it WAS cool! (Even poofy hair was cool back in the 80's, right? *wink*)

I could relate to what Brandy said about how she would want to go back and change page layouts. Sometimes I do, but I have come to the point where I realize that that's where I was when I created it and I liked it then, so I just leave it alone now. I am always changing and growing in my creativity with scrapbooking. I'm learning to just go with the flow. One week I like texture and brown, and the next week I like flowers and yellow. Maybe Forrest Gump hit it on the head when he said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Ha!

Where is that box of chocolates, anyway?

So, go ahead, ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

Get Back in Line

I don't always read what Ro writes on her Scrap Girls newsletter each day, but today I felt drawn to it (really, I just wanted to see what the freebie of the day was). Ha! I really like what she wrote today and I thought I would share it here.

Get Back in Line
Hands folded across my stomach, I stretched out in bed trying to calm my mind down long enough to get sleepy. I felt out-of-sorts with myself as I sometimes do after a session of blog surfing.

Why?

Because sometimes, particularly when I read some fairly interesting blogs, I start to compare myself, my life, and my blog with the fascinating lives of other blog writers. And when I start to compare myself, I begin to think that I live a remarkably unremarkable life. I get up. I get dressed. I work. Sometimes, I cook. Usually I don't. On rare occasions I bake. Usually I don't.

My house isn't as clean as I'd like it to be. My haircut is easy-to-do. I'm using the same makeup I've been using for years. My children graduated from public schools. I could continue making this list of items meant to prove that I can be fairly boring, but I'll save us all and stop it.

Anyway, I lay there thinking these things when I started to hear a phrase in my head. It was unexpected and it took three or four repetitions to get my brain to stop and listen to what it was saying.

"Get back in line," my inner voice commanded. "Get back in line."

I hadn't realized I was out of line.

When I attended elementary school, the teachers lined us up as part of a preparation exercise prior to each episode of taking us from point A to point B. As we walked, the teachers would look for stragglers or wanderers and shout, "Get back in line!" as a method of correction.

But hey... I didn't know I was out of line.

As I considered it, I realized I had become a wanderer, searching for something I am not. My life doesn't allow me to be as domestic as I'd like to be. Most days, I simply have to survive, to do the best that I can. If you want to find out what I am like by method of reading my blog, you'll read meditative posts meant to straighten myself out, see photos of random things I find interesting, find out what crazy thing I'm considering at the moment, and learn about the realness of a family filled with the challenging individuals I adore.

You won't find perfection in my blog. Instead, you'll find a woman who vacillates between being sure and unsure of herself. It's all good though because I am who I am and by approaching my life and my blog as myself, I am being authentic. I am a geeky, sometimes sloppy, sometimes philosopher, other times spiritual, and eater of most things unhealthy. I am the stopper and starter and stopper again of good intentions that get sidetracked by life, business responsibilities, and illness.

I don't live on a farm, in a cute apartment filled with vintage furniture, or in a tree house. I live in a house positioned in a typical Utah neighborhood at the end of a cul-de-sac. My furniture, purchased in super-sales, is post-current fashion, but pre-interesting style. My children have moved past the "cute" stage of childhood as they move toward independence. As they grow older, I have fewer funny stories to tell about their current adventures. I console myself with the thought that someday I'll have cute grandchildren to blog about.

But for now, my life is as it is and my blog proves it. I guess that's okay.

Sigh... I'm back in line, life. Yes, indeed... I'm back in line.

It feels good here.


So many times I find myself (Christina) comparing myself to others. Just last week I realized I had these wrong thoughts going through my head. I kept on thinking "because I'm not as pretty as her, then I'm not pretty." "Because I'm not as ____ as her then I'm not _____ enough." And God was like, "Why are you comparing yourself against others?"

That was a wake up call for me. I was created to be the way I am, to have this face, this body, this mind, these hobbies, my personality, etc., so why should I compare it to someone else who wasn't created to be me?

I even find myself comparing myself to my old self...that doesn't work either. I'm not who I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. After I cast those wrong thoughts down and realized that I can like myself right where I'm at, I got really excited! I can like my quirky humor. I can like my introvertedness (is that a word?). I can like being a homebody. I can like it that I prefer a small group of people over a large group. I can like it that after being social for so long, I need time to myself. I can like it that I sing to my cats. (I really do) I can like ME!! So I'm with Ro, I'm back in line and I'll probably need that reminder to "Get back in line!" from time to time.

Woman to Woman

My friend Jamie forwarded me an e-mail with this encouragement. Jamie is the one who sparked my interest in digital scrapbooking. (Thank you!) I thought this encouragement fit so well with what I talk about on here.

Woman to Woman Encouragement

Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their partners will fix more things around the house. So let it go and love you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have [wickedness] in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children. The richest woman you know - she's got the car, the house, the clothes - might be heartbreakingly lonely. So, love you. Love who you are right now. Tell yourself, "I am too blessed to be stressed."

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world." Possibilities and miracles are one and the same.