I don't always read what Ro writes on her
Scrap Girls newsletter each day, but today I felt drawn to it (really, I just wanted to see what the freebie of the day was). Ha! I really like what she wrote today and I thought I would share it here.
Get Back in Line
Hands folded across my stomach, I stretched out in bed trying to calm my mind down long enough to get sleepy. I felt out-of-sorts with myself as I sometimes do after a session of blog surfing.
Why?
Because sometimes, particularly when I read some fairly interesting blogs, I start to compare myself, my life, and my blog with the fascinating lives of other blog writers. And when I start to compare myself, I begin to think that I live a remarkably unremarkable life. I get up. I get dressed. I work. Sometimes, I cook. Usually I don't. On rare occasions I bake. Usually I don't.
My house isn't as clean as I'd like it to be. My haircut is easy-to-do. I'm using the same makeup I've been using for years. My children graduated from public schools. I could continue making this list of items meant to prove that I can be fairly boring, but I'll save us all and stop it.
Anyway, I lay there thinking these things when I started to hear a phrase in my head. It was unexpected and it took three or four repetitions to get my brain to stop and listen to what it was saying.
"Get back in line," my inner voice commanded. "Get back in line."
I hadn't realized I was out of line.
When I attended elementary school, the teachers lined us up as part of a preparation exercise prior to each episode of taking us from point A to point B. As we walked, the teachers would look for stragglers or wanderers and shout, "Get back in line!" as a method of correction.
But hey... I didn't know I was out of line.
As I considered it, I realized I had become a wanderer, searching for something I am not. My life doesn't allow me to be as domestic as I'd like to be. Most days, I simply have to survive, to do the best that I can. If you want to find out what I am like by method of reading my blog, you'll read meditative posts meant to straighten myself out, see photos of random things I find interesting, find out what crazy thing I'm considering at the moment, and learn about the realness of a family filled with the challenging individuals I adore.
You won't find perfection in my blog. Instead, you'll find a woman who vacillates between being sure and unsure of herself. It's all good though because I am who I am and by approaching my life and my blog as myself, I am being authentic. I am a geeky, sometimes sloppy, sometimes philosopher, other times spiritual, and eater of most things unhealthy. I am the stopper and starter and stopper again of good intentions that get sidetracked by life, business responsibilities, and illness.
I don't live on a farm, in a cute apartment filled with vintage furniture, or in a tree house. I live in a house positioned in a typical Utah neighborhood at the end of a cul-de-sac. My furniture, purchased in super-sales, is post-current fashion, but pre-interesting style. My children have moved past the "cute" stage of childhood as they move toward independence. As they grow older, I have fewer funny stories to tell about their current adventures. I console myself with the thought that someday I'll have cute grandchildren to blog about.
But for now, my life is as it is and my blog proves it. I guess that's okay.
Sigh... I'm back in line, life. Yes, indeed... I'm back in line.
It feels good here.
So many times I find myself (Christina) comparing myself to others. Just last week I realized I had these wrong thoughts going through my head. I kept on thinking "because I'm not as pretty as
her, then I'm not pretty." "Because I'm not as ____ as
her then I'm not _____ enough." And God was like, "Why are you comparing yourself against others?"
That was a wake up call for me. I was created to be the way I am, to have this face, this body, this mind, these hobbies, my personality, etc., so why should I compare it to someone else who wasn't created to be me?
I even find myself comparing myself to my old self...that doesn't work either. I'm not who I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. After I cast those wrong thoughts down and realized that I can like myself right where I'm at, I got really excited! I can like my quirky humor. I can like my introvertedness (is that a word?). I can like being a homebody. I can like it that I prefer a small group of people over a large group. I can like it that after being social for so long, I need time to myself. I can like it that I sing to my cats. (I really do) I can like ME!! So I'm with Ro, I'm back in line and I'll probably need that reminder to "Get back in line!" from time to time.
